If Only
by SYF
Summary: Tsuzuki is in the infirmary and Tatsumi is looking after him. Just a small fluffy piece. First story in the Amethyst and Sapphire arc.


Amethyst and Sapphire 1: If Only  
  
Crystal blue eyes stared at the man in front of him. Those eyes skimmed over the delicate pale skin at the throat. Dark brown hair fell over eyes that were closed. The man didn't need the eyes to be open to know that they were dark purple. Lilac, some might call them. Fragile features made the man seem younger than he was. In sleep he looked like a boy.  
  
Beautiful.  
  
Tatsumi's head nodded absently in agreement to the little voice in his head. A slim hand reached out to brush the strands of hair away from the peaceful face. Finishing its task it continued to brush against the soft skin.  
  
The shadow master leaned closer. His fingertips trailed over the angular cheekbones down to the jaws. Then even lower to the neck. Tsuzuki stirred slightly in response. "Ssh," Tatsumi whispered soothingly. The sleeping man relaxed slightly. When Tatsumi was sure that the man would not move, his hand began its journey again. It traveled lower and paused at the junction of the neck and the shoulder.  
  
Tatsumi felt the slow pulse speed up fractionally. He was leaning so close that he could feel the man's soft breath on his lips. A little closer and he would be kissing the man. A little closer and he would be able to taste the lips of the one he loved.  
  
Who am I kidding?  
  
A bitter smile crossed his thin lips as he leaned back in his uncomfortable chair. He had his chance nearly fifty years ago. He had his chance to tell the truth about his feelings. But now it was too late. He couldn't ask Tsuzuki to listen now.  
  
It was time to let go of the past. The past was something that cannot be fixed no matter how much he wished for it to be otherwise. Tatsumi desperately wanted to be able to squash these treacherous feelings but something held him back. A sliver of hope that one day, maybe, Tsuzuki would reciprocate the feelings that Tatsumi felt for him. He wanted to believe that it could happen and sometimes it seemed that way but at others it seemed like a ridiculous wish.  
  
If Tsuzuki ever had feelings for him they were gone. They would have disappeared long ago. Most probably when Tatsumi loudly told him that the reason he broke their partnership was because Tsuzuki was an idiot. And if not then, then probably the first time he met Hisoka. It was a stupid wish, but that was all that he had to hold on to. It was one of the two things that kept Tatsumi alive. It was the one of the two things that still kept him on this plane of existence.  
  
"Tatsumi?"  
  
The murmur jolted the secretary out of his reverie. He looked up into dazed amethyst eyes. Tatsumi pasted a smile on his face making sure none of his melancholic emotions showed in his eyes.  
  
"Welcome back Tsuzuki," he greeted softly. The man on the bed blinked looking confused. The endearing bewildered expression on his face made Tatsumi's smile widen.  
  
So many people, including Tatsumi and Hisoka, had voiced their wish Tsuzuki would stop being such a ditz. But no one really wanted that to happen, it was more habit than anything else that made them complain. If Tsuzuki became a model shinigami Tatsumi would be one of the first to assume that he was sick. Silliness was a part of Tsuzuki and he wouldn't be Tsuzuki without it. Even Hisoka would agree.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You got hurt by a demon," Tatsumi answered leaning forward to tug the blanket up to Tsuzuki's chest. In his restless sleep, the blanket had slipped down the amethyst eyed shinigami's body.  
  
"Oh. Is Hisoka all right?" Tatsumi hid his heartache as best he could as he pulled back slowly. He conjured up a comforting smile, which took all of his willpower to maintain. His fingers stroked the dark hair absently. Tsuzuki didn't seem to mind as he continued to look up at his friend with wide eyes.  
  
It doesn't matter. . .If he's happy I can be happy. I have to be.  
  
"He's just fine," Tatsumi answered. Tsuzuki smiled that silly childish smile and sighed with relief. But that look of relief quickly disappeared as Tsuzuki peered closely at the man sitting beside the bed.  
  
"Are you all right?" Tatsumi's smile faded at that question and his eyes turned cloudy.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked cagily. Tsuzuki shrunk back at the callousness of Tatsumi's voice.  
  
"Nothing, you just looked so sad," Tsuzuki answered in a small voice. Tatsumi cursed himself silently when he realised that Tsuzuki thought he was angry at him. He schooled his face into a pleasant expression.  
  
"Nothing's wrong. I was just worried about you," he told the dark-haired man. Tsuzuki smiled back and closed his eyes. Tatsumi sighed in relief and arranged the blanket around Tsuzuki's shoulders.  
  
Please don't ask me to explain. Please just leave it alone.  
  
His head lowered to stare at his hands. Sometimes Tsuzuki was too perceptive for his own good. Tatsumi would have to take care that Tsuzuki would notice nothing. He did not want to find out what would happen if Tsuzuki ever discovered what Tatsumi had hidden for nearly fifty years.  
  
"I'm glad you're all right," Tsuzuki murmured turning to face Tatsumi. His left hand was tucked under his head and his eyes reflected his relaxed smile. The shadow master started, startled from his reverie. He had thought that Tsuzuki had gone to sleep. Automatically he conjured up a smile at his ex-partner. Since there was no one around to witness his behaviour, he could do whatever he wanted, even if it was out of character.  
  
"Why?" he asked unable to stop a hint of hope entering his voice.  
  
Stop being so stupid. Like he meant it that way.  
  
"Because if you weren't here I wouldn't have anyone to protect me from Muraki," Tsuzuki replied with complete trust. Tatsumi could only smile. Even if Tsuzuki couldn't love him it was enough to be his friend.  
  
"Hisoka can do that for you too," Tatsumi reminded him shaking his head.  
  
"He could but he's got his own problems to deal with," Tsuzuki sounded remarkably serious. Tatsumi had only witnessed this type of maturity three or four times from Tsuzuki since they had known each other.  
  
"So I'm supposed to be your knight in shining armour," the older man teased.  
  
"Nope you're my Prince Charming. And you'll rescue me from the dragon and kiss me awake from the sleeping spell," Tsuzuki's voice was muffled as he dug deeper into the blanket. His eyes were half closed, and a smile graced his lips. In direct contrast to Tsuzuki's relaxed posture Tatsumi was frozen in his seat. He went over the words in his mind again and again.  
  
You're my Prince Charming. . ..And you'll kiss me awake. . . you'll kiss me. . .  
  
Did he mean that? Does he know what he just said? What if it was the painkillers? Of course he didn't mean that. . .he was just saying that to make me feel better. . .  
  
"Did I say something wrong?" Tsuzuki's voice brought him out of his reverie. Tatsumi looked up so fast he almost suffered from whiplash. His blue eyes were wide and open, he looked shocked, an expression completely alien to him. His expression changed quickly from shocked to comforting.  
  
"Nothing's wrong Tsuzuki," he said with a warm smile, a real smile. If anyone had come along at that moment they would have died of astonishment, if it weren't for the obvious fact that they were dead already. But they certainly would have gotten a shock. Tatsumi never smiled like that in public, ever.  
  
Tsuzuki smiled back happy that Tatsumi was happy once more. The older man leaned forward and brushed away a strand of stray hair from the pale face.  
  
"Go to sleep Tsuzuki," he ordered softly. Tsuzuki nodded happily and closed his eyes.  
  
"Oyasumi Tatsumi-san," he mumbled.  
  
"Oyasumi Tsuzuki," Tatsumi replied. He leaned back in his chair and watched the other man sleep.  
  
Of course he didn't mean it. He was just tired and he didn't know what he was saying.  
  
Tatsumi sighed heavily and twisted in his chair so that he was moderately comfortable. It was going to be a long night.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hisoka walked along the darkened corridor with a bounce in his steps. His hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched against the cold. Even if Meifu was supposed to be eternally summer sometimes the night got very cold.  
  
If Saya, Yuma, or Wakaba saw him they would have squealed with delight. Hisoka had forgone his usual turtleneck and jeans for something more festive, a short-sleeved shirt and cargo pants with a vest over the shirt. But that wasn't all. They also would have squealed because his lips were redder than usual, his hair was messier than usual, and his cheeks were redder than usual. In other words he had definitely been snogging someone.  
  
Hisoka cheeks reddened further when he remembered who that someone was. But when he saw the light coming from one of the hospital rooms he tore his mind off the date with some difficulty. It seemed wrong to be happy while his partner was in the hospital after fighting a powerful demon. This was the reason that he had come to the building after office hours. He wanted to make sure that Tsuzuki was all right before going home.  
  
His stride lengthened as he hurried to the infirmary door. He opened it slightly and looked inside. What he saw made his eyes widen ever so vaguely. Tatsumi was stroking Tsuzuki's hair while smiling affectionately. Tsuzuki was also smiling although his eyes were closed. All in all it was a very cute picture, although Hisoka was loathed to use the word 'cute' in conjunction with the shadow master.  
  
Hisoka's eyes widened further when the shadow master leaned forward to kiss the lilac-eyed man on the forehead. He closed the door silently, knowing it was something he wasn't supposed to have seen.  
  
His mind was racing as he tried to comprehend what he had just seen.  
  
Holy Hell!! Did I just see what I thought I saw? Did Tatsumi kiss Tsuzuki?  
  
A grin crossed his lips. It was a strange expression, extremely rarely seen on his face but what he just saw was definitely something to grin at. He had suspected for some time that Tatsumi felt that way about his old partner. But suspecting it and seeing it confirmed were two different things.  
  
A few months ago he would have been jealous. A few months ago he had thought that he was in love with Tsuzuki, until he and a friend met while he was taking a walk one evening. That night certain thoughts and feelings were revealed and a few weeks later on he knew that what he felt for Tsuzuki was a shadow of what he felt for this other person. It was then that he began to regard Tsuzuki as family instead of the object of his affection. When he had gotten over his crush, so to speak, he had also begun to notice certain things about Tsuzuki. Like the way he acted around Tatsumi. Or the way Tsuzuki seemed to grow brighter whenever the name 'Tatsumi' was mentioned.  
  
That was when he first got his suspicions about the relationship between a certain secretary and Tsuzuki. Once he knew what he was looking for his suspicions were confirmed. The only problem was that Hisoka didn't know if Tatsumi reciprocated the feelings. The shadow master had an amazing amount of control over his emotions, and even with his empathic powers Hisoka had been unable to sense his emotions. But now it was out in the open, and Hisoka knew that his help was needed.  
  
He desperately wanted to speak to someone about it but he had a feeling Tatsumi wouldn't appreciate it if his secret became office gossip. So instead he would wait and watch. And if nothing happened in the near future he would have to recruit Watari, and perhaps Saya, Yume, or Wakaba. Those two deserved each other and he was damn well going make sure they were happy.  
  
Good luck Tatsumi.  
  
Hisoka continued on his way with a secretive smile on his face. It was a good night, he thought to himself. It was a very good night indeed.  
  
~ * ~ * ~  
  
What can I say, I love Tatsumi and Tsuzuki. This is written for those people who are having trouble finding Tatsumi/Tsuzuki fanfics. Believe me I know how frustrating it can get not being able to find the right story. Not that I have anything against the traditional Tsuzuki/Hisoka and Tatsumi/Watari. I like those pairings too, it's just, I like alternative pairings.  
  
This is the first fic in the Amethyst and Sapphire Arc, so there will be other stories added to it. As for who is Hisoka's secret partner, well.you'll find out later. I might even write an arc about them, who knows? If you could review I'd be ever so thankful, I'd like to know what's good about this fic, and what's bad, and whether I should give up before I dig myself into a hole I can't get out of. 


End file.
